Recently, I found myself in that suspended state so many of us quietly dread: waiting through the uncertainty of emergency surgery, watching the person I love most battle an internal infection that escalated too quickly to prepare for. When you’re in that kind of moment, the ordinary rules of life dissolve. There is no schedule, only questions: Is he okay? Can I help? What if he can’t speak for himself? What happens next?

In the swirl of uncertainty, I found a small but deeply grounding peace: we had already completed our Advance Medical Directives.

An Advance Medical Directive is a legal document that does two things:

1. It outlines your preferences for medical treatment in the form of a Living Will—your voice in advance, when you may not have one in the moment.
2. It names a person you trust through a Healthcare Power of Attorney—someone legally authorized to speak and act on your behalf if you become incapacitated.

The Advance Medical Directive or Healthcare Power of Attorney may go by different names depending on your state—Healthcare Proxy, Medical Power of Attorney, or Healthcare Agent—but the purpose is the same: to ensure your decisions are honored and your chosen voice is heard.

In that hospital moment, I didn’t need to guess what my husband would want. I knew. And if it came to it, I would have what I needed for the hospital to know I was authorized to speak for him. That small step of preparedness—having the documents in place, knowing where they were, and already having talked through them—offered a measure of clarity in the fog of fear.

But these documents are more than legal checkboxes. In the end-of-life support world, death doulas often emphasize that a true advance directive is not just about medical choices—it’s about meaningful conversation. It’s about dignity. It’s about connection. It’s about trust. It’s about the considerations that you may not think of just by filling out a template living will.

When you sit down to complete yours—or walk a loved one through theirs—don’t stop at checking boxes.

Ask:

• How do you feel about life-prolonging treatments at the end of life? (Note that this refers to situations when death is imminent or the condition is irreversible—not when recovery is still possible.)
• Would you want every possible intervention to elongate the end of life period—or only those that make you comfortable?
• What’s your relationship with pain medication? Do you want maximum comfort, even if it might reduce alertness and increase lethargy?
• What spiritual or religious practices give you peace and grounding?
• What are other comfort measures that you could imagine you’d want?

For example, if you’re Muslim, this might include ensuring access to do tayammum (so having a stone or clean sand for ritual purification when water isn’t accessible). Perhaps you’d request that someone quietly recite Qur’an near you as much as possible. Or you’d request hospital staff to position you to face the qibla when death seems near, wherever possible.

This isn’t just about end-of-life care. It’s about being present to someone’s humanity in a moment of vulnerability.

And so I ask you:

• If your loved one were suddenly hospitalized, would you know their wishes?
• Would you know how they feel about feeding tubes or ventilators?
• Do you know who they would trust to make those decisions for them—if not you?
• And if it were you lying in that hospital bed—who would you want speaking on your behalf?

Advance care planning is an act of love. It’s a form of protection—not only for the person whose care is at stake but for the family and friends trying to honor them with integrity in the hardest of moments.

If you haven’t had the conversation, it’s time.
If you haven’t completed the forms, I can help.

Because even in moments of emergency, when the unknown swells around us, a quiet kind of readiness can make all the difference. Email me at hello@serenityatlaw.com for a FREE checklist on how to start the conversation around your and loved ones’ Advance Medical Directives.